BFF’s are awesome

So, my best friend’s husband asked her the other week if we were lesbians. Moron. I get it that men don’t understand the type of friendship that women have with each other because men and women are wired different, but come on. She told him that she loved me and I guess he doesn’t think that people can love each other without sex? Men can be so dense. No offense to any who may be reading this.

My dad is losing his mind. I mentioned it briefly in the update I made the other night. He forgets everything, he makes absolutely no sense at all, and every once in a while, when he’s having a moment of clarity, he tells us that he knows he’s losing it. I’m not handling it well and it’s causing problems. I’ve handled a lot in the past five years with both parents having cancer and dealing with all of that and I’ve handled it very well if I do say so myself. I’ve been strong for everyone from my parents to my brother to my aunts and uncles and cousins and my grandmother when she was alive.

But this, this is something so much worse. I can’t express why it feels so much worse to me than everything else he’s been through but it does. I guess it feels like I’m losing him completely. I mean, he’s already not the daddy I grew up with you know? He changed totally after his transplant and he got old very fast. Now he’s aging even more. And he’s becoming a different person. One who eventually is not going to be able to be left alone, one who is going to need constant care.

He’s almost 60 but it’s like living with an 80 year old. And I think part of the reason that I’m not dealing with it well is because I keep thinking about the future. What are we going to do when he can’t be alone? How are we going to stop him from going out alone to the store when we aren’t sure he’ll be able to get back home? Will he burn the house down while Mama and I are at work because he leaves the stove on?

But me not handling it is making things so much worse for Mama that I’ve got to just get over it. I have to be strong for her. She can’t do this without me and if I check out it’s all over for all of us. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want this to happen to him. It’s not fair and it makes me angry and I take that out on both of them. Which is even more unfair. I might have to look into going back to my counselor for a while to help me cope with this. It just might be too big for me to handle on my own.

I’m really good at the downer entries lately aren’t I?

I bought a new cell phone. It’s pink and girly and I love it. I’ve been playing with it most of the evening, downloading ringtones. I got Yoda saying, “Phonecall you have. Answer it you must.” Best ringtone ever in the history of ringtones. I love me some Yoda.

I should go to bed. It’s late and I’m tired. Unfortunately, I’m not really sleepy. Being tired and being sleepy are two totally different things. Maybe I’ll read for a bit and get sleepy. Toodles.

So…

So, here I am. Thanks to everyone for the wonderful comments about Beavis. I really appreciated it. It’s been a rough couple of months between work and home and I’ve just not been in the mood to do much of anything.

At least fourth quarter is almost over and work should be getting back to normal before too much longer. Of course, these past couple of months have been our busiest time of year so my schedule has been a little hectic.

As for home, my dad isn’t doing very well. He’s having some health issues both physically and mentally and I’ve been having a hard time dealing with it. I’ve broken down and lost it a couple of times but I’m working on handling it better. My mom needs me to be strong and I’m all she’s got right now so I don’t have any other choice. Besides, he’s going to lose him mind regardless of whether I like it or not. Anyway.

My brother says he should be home from Iraq by July so we’re all looking forward to that of course. He and his wife may be looking at moving closer to us when he gets back so that will be nice too. I haven’t told him anything that’s been going on here with my dad because he has enough to worry about right now, he doesn’t need that on top of everything. I hope he gets home before things get too bad.

So, this is a nice downer entry. On a happier note, we got a new puppy. His name is Smoke and he’s absolutely gorgeous. I’ll post a couple of pictures later this week. I started this entry almost an hour ago but then I stopped to talk on the phone and now it’s almost one in the morning and I have to get up in less than five hours so I need to get out of here.

I’m way behind on my blog reading but I hope everyone is doing well and had a good holiday. Toodles ~